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Taking Recycling to the Next Level

by Bob Garrett

Millions of Americans recycle.  Some recycle plastics.  Some recycle organic materials into compost.  You may very well recycle.  However, can you take recycling to the next level?


Celebrities claim taking recycling to the next level means, a stronger immune system, an ageless complexion, and better nutrition.


British actress Sarah Miles has recycled at the next level for over thirty years.  Sarah claims it immunizes against allergies while providing other health benefits.


Morarji Desai, former Prime Minister of India, told Dan Rather on 60 Minutes that this level of recycling is the perfect medical solution for millions of Indians who can't afford medical treatment.


Boxer Juan Manuel Marquez recycled at the next level while preparing to fight Floyd Mayweather.  Marquez stated it provided great nutritional benefit and aided his intensive workouts.


What is this magic potion to be recycled you ask? Each day recycle, that is drink, just 8 ounces of urine.  You might say that's a little hard to swallow.  Don't fret.  You can take recycling to the next level without chugging down homegrown fluids.


Madonna told David Letterman she urinates on her feet to cure athlete's feet.


Moises Alou, who played 17 years in Major League Baseball, urinated on his hands to alleviate calluses.  That allowed Moises to bat without using batting gloves.  Think of that the next time you're wearing gloves while gardening.


Both the Bible and Sanskrit endorse recycling at the next level.


Proverbs 5:15 advises: "Drink waters from thy own cistern, flowing water from thy own well.”  Jesus Christ taught the kingdom of heaven is in us.


Sanskrit contains 107 stanzas on the benefits of "pure water, or one's urine" including massaging one's skin with fresh, concentrated urine.


Ayurvedic medicine asserts mixing urine with water cures cancers and other diseases.


Indians promote cow urine as an antibiotic enhancement, a cancer cure and a treatment to obesity.  The US Patent and Trademark Office (USPTO) issued Patent No. 6410059, for these cow tinkle qualities.


The only religion I could find that flat out rejects drinking urine, as filth is Islam.  No red-blooded, gun-toting, bible-carrying American would be caught dead following Islam, so drink your urine and chant U-S-A, U-S-A, U-S-A.


Recycling at the next level creates jobs.  Economists estimate dumping 10,000 tons of waste in a landfill creates six jobs while recycling 10,000 tons of waste creates 36 jobs.  By drinking urine, you're not only rejecting Islam, you're creating jobs for Americans by Americans.


Collectively, we can cure our healthcare system, cure unemployment and cure cancer.  All we have to do is drink pee rather than flushing those curative powers down the toilet.

 

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